cjwatson: (Default)
[personal profile] cjwatson
[livejournal.com profile] ghoti asked me to tell a joke.

There was once a man with an orange instead of a head. (No, wait, you've heard that one quite a lot.)

The Master of Wit and Repartee's brother went to the circus. (No, it may have the best opening line of any joke I know, but unfortunately the rest of it is just crude.)

So I suppose I'll just share a terrible one from the latest astronomy open evening newsletter. A spiral galaxy walks into a bar. The barman says "sorry, you're barred".

Or, along similar lines, here's one that I'm sure [livejournal.com profile] ewx has heard before:

A duck walks into a bar and asks "got any duck food?" The barman is a bit taken aback, but says "sorry, no", and the duck turns around and leaves.

The next day, the duck comes back in and asks "got any duck food?" The barman says "sorry, not today either", so the duck turns around again and waddles out.

The next day, the duck comes back again and asks "got any duck food?" The barman's getting a bit fed up by this point, but he just says "no, seriously, we don't serve duck food here", and the duck waddles off again.

On the fourth day, the duck comes in and asks "got any duck food?" The barman has had enough of being made fun of and loses his cool. "No, we don't have duck food here! If you ask me again I'm going to nail your feet to the floor!" Off waddles the duck.

On the fifth day, the duck comes back and the barman stifles a groan. But this time the duck asks "got any nails?" The barman is a bit surprised but says "sorry, no nails here".

"... got any duck food?"

I'll get my coat. This post is part of my December days series. Please prompt me or I might have to tell more jokes.

(no subject)

Date: 2014-12-05 03:40 pm (UTC)
emperor: (Default)
From: [personal profile] emperor
I usually know that as nailing its bill to the bar, but anyway.

I think you should write about trouts :p

(no subject)

Date: 2014-12-05 04:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ghoti.livejournal.com
I want to talk about trout! Can you ask me too, please?

(no subject)

Date: 2014-12-05 04:28 pm (UTC)
emperor: (Default)
From: [personal profile] emperor
Feel free to talk about trout :)

(no subject)

Date: 2014-12-05 04:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ghoti.livejournal.com
Thank you!

(no subject)

Date: 2014-12-07 09:46 pm (UTC)
emperor: (Default)
From: [personal profile] emperor
The ambiguity was intentional :)

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